To Gift or Not to Gift?

To gift or not to gift is the question. The answer to that would depend on the individuals involved. Psychological studies show there are many positive and negative emotional consequences of gift-giving.

Positive emotional consequences can include experiencing the satisfaction of being able to give someone something they've wanted or needed, or showing others that you remember and care about their special events/dates.

Negative emotional consequences can include irritation at spending more money than you should have, hurt feelings of not having your gift reciprocated, realizing the gift you gave freely has made someone feel bad because they cannot reciprocate, or seeing the gift you made/carefully selected end up at the back of someone’s closet or on a table as a "white elephant gift" the following year.

As this gift-giving season gets underway, take a moment to stop and think about what you are doing and why you are doing it.  Prepare a list of the people you would like to give gifts to and make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Prepare a budget beforehand so you do not spend more than you intended or more than you can afford to spend. It may also be helpful to pay close attention to the recipient—the things they like and don’t like. Find a tactful way to do a little snooping if necessary. This time of year, people often start daydreaming out loud about items they’d love to have so listen and watch carefully. Needless to say your gift will be received a whole lot better if it appears you’ve given some thought to the recipient.

There’s been much debate about whether it is appropriate to give cash as a gift. Again, you have to know your recipient. If they are inclined to think that your giving them cash is a lazy cop out, you may want to shop for an actual gift. On the other hand, if they have been struggling financially as a result of job loss, etc. they may really appreciate a gift of cash. If you decide to give cash gifts, purchase a nicely decorated money envelope, make sure the bills are as clean/crisp as possible, tuck them into the envelope, and write a personal message on the back of the envelope, (“Dear Mark, I know you’ve been saving for a new guitar so here is a little something to help with your purchase. Happy Holidays!”) or something to that effect.

If you decide to opt out of the gift-giving frenzy due to the economy or other reasons, find a tactful way to inform people who would normally expect a gift from you as soon as possible. Also, be prepared to deal with any feelings that may arise from receiving a gift you cannot reciprocate.

The most important thing to remember is that you should always operate from a place of true authenticity. The holidays should be a fun and magical time so do not allow yourself to become stressed out based on what others are doing or expecting. If you decide to participate in gift-giving activities, weigh your options carefully and do what makes you feel good--during the holidays and long after they are gone.

Want ideas on inexpensive handmade gifts from your kitchen? Read my blog post: Handmade Culinary Holiday Gifts.

To Return or To Re-Gift?

Tis the season for gift-giving. From the first day of Hanukkah to the last day of Kwanzaa, people all over the world often kick into overdrive--making, buying, giving and receiving gifts from family, friends and colleagues. A time that people should be focused on the sheer delight of giving and receiving is often marred with stress and disappointment.

Have you ever received a gift you could not use or given a gift only to find out later the recipient returned or re-gifted it? We've all been there--on either end of the spectrum of this controversial issue. So what's the proper way of dealing with these sensitive situations?

Honesty can be the best policy…

I have found it is best to be honest. Find a gentle, tactful way to let the person know you don't like or cannot use the gift. Explain to them that you are honored they thought enough of you to give you a gift and you would in turn, love to honor them to make sure that the time spent making, or money spent buying the gift is not wasted.

Ask the giver if they would mind if you returned the gift for an item you really need or if you can re-gift the item to someone you know it would be perfect for. Usually, the giver will be very gracious and will appreciate the honesty.

Don’t get caught in a compromising situation…

There is nothing more embarrassing or deflating than running into the giver at the store when you are sneaking to return a gift or having them come to your home year after year and seeing the gift tossed aside--becoming a permanent addition to closet/drawer clutter.

If you are the giver, try to remember that if you have chosen a gift the recipient can't use, you should not take it personally. It is not a reflection of your inability to give a great gift. It's just that the recipient's taste or need may differ from your own. If we allow our pride and ego to get in the way, it could indicate we are more concerned with making ourselves happy than the happiness of the recipient. After all, is the gift for you or for the recipient?

Choose an outcome that honors all parties involved…

I don't profess to be an authority on gift-giving etiquette. My opinions are based solely on my experiences and the fact that I need to be truthful and completely authentic to whom I am as a person. I also realize each situation will be different and you should consider the personalities of the people involved. In the end, strive for an outcome that will honor all parties. If this is not possible, choose the outcome that will bring you the most peace while still honoring yourself and your spirit.

Feel free to share your thoughts on this topic as they may help someone else relieve some of the drama and stress surrounding holiday gift-giving.